with the snap of my fingers ill be gone. its easy to leave but never to come back.
in the long run jason and i decided we will move someplace we both like and not just becasue our familys are here or there. Could be fucking california for all i know we shall see in a few years and after we visit a few places.
i find it romantic how many friends ive lost and how much knowledge ive gained from it. its weird almost. most of you have it easy. being an idiotic person isnt as hard as everyone thinks. living a harsh reality full of bugs that bite and things that tick...it wouldnt be worth the time and effort into making it into a reality special. people are ignorant and would never understand for millions of years.
we'll all die soon anyways sooner than we'd like to think but its nice thinking of 'candy and blankets' now isnt it.
growing up is wonderful because your finally smart in a really dumb way. You see all the people you once knew for who they are and always have been but what you were as well and never thought anything was wrong. Some people already are there and are lucky and some get thrown into it and confused by it and even upset like myself. But id never give it back because im married to the greastest guy who isnt an asshole and or a sex driven loser. we just are ourselves around eachother and people say everyone is different.. its a lie. it just takes some longer or shorter time to get to that certain stage of life which seems completetly ludacris but when your there you finally realize it isnt.
when you get older you lose alot of people you once knew and loved and cared about for whatever un godly reason its a rule. I just wish it wasnt certain people i knew but it unfortunatly is some. im 20 years old and its already happened to me. most of the ones i knew and loved are gone and i promise wont be back. Whether its because i live in another state and its not worth it to them or whatever i cant do anything about it. im not pointing fingers or ever saying names cause theres way too many to count. and for the most part they do know who they are and it sucks but im not sorry there is just nothing anyone including ourselves that we can do.
as much as i dont have time anymore for anything the few people who we both still stay in contact with eachother when we can is great and i appreciate them more than anything. to have even one person care for you is amazing and having more and more is completely incredible. i obviously dont see anyone and barely get to talk to anyone but just that little hello or message on a computer on a cell phone in the mail is more than i could ever ask for from you. so thank you. honestly thank you.
i have goals in life...
live my life WHO i am not worrying who thinks im cool or anything. think what you may i dont care anymore because i dont have time to care. having your mind filled with the bad in life kills all good you could ever experience.
Ill have kids one day and the people who love me will stand by me and help me out with anything as i will them. Id love to see the people i love grow up and get married or get a great career or just be happy! Seeing thematleast once a year would be more than a treat for me. I will own a boat and start my own clothing line whether this year or in 20 it will happen. Ill be successfull and possibley go back to school cherishing everything i know i have. And it wont get started or happen with me sitting on the computer writing in a online journal that chances are people dont read anyway and if they do its nobody who truly cares about me and what is going on.
I end this with if you would like to keep in contact with me let me know and email me [Killerxpirates@yahoo.com] or [GCarlsonfoto@hotmail.com] or my work email which im not positive of it right now. Im hardly on instant messanger so i really wont bother even giving out my Instant messanger address. Email me and let me know you want to still talk. Know not to say anything if you couldnt care less. Im deleting this and most everything else within the month or so because i dont have time to let people who dont give a damn whats going on in my life and its easier to delete it.
(5 gasp for air | your dying)
DIRTY DEEDS DONE DIRT CHEAP.
Halloween party this weekend and carving pumpkins all week with the husband.
(1 gasp for air | your dying)
fuck my hair aint black anymore and probably wont be for a while.
its a brownorangered... its really nice and kind of all sorts of different colors that go together very nicely!
were getting another kitty soon.. she was left in the while at grandmas and grandmas feeding it outside when she can and were gonna capture it and take care of it otherwise its onle not even 6 weeks old its going to die..
my job rules and i get paid for holidays?! and overtime and holy shit i rule. paid vacations ... aw man..
close shopping with ashley last night AHHHHHH absolutely fabulous. honestly amazing shoes and shirts and sweaters.. girls got taste and i already established she was going to LOVE the oc..
OC STARTS NOV 4th... BOX SET IS FUCKING OUT SOON... oc specials on thursday nights that are of course being taped by me...
jason and i are great and i love him more than anything! hes at school now but its ok.. my babys gettin his learn on.
the weather is amazing even after it rained yesterday it felt like halloween weather.. im feelin it!
new kanye west cd today..surprisingly jason wanted it! this boy doesnt ceise to amaze me!
today " its better in mentor" with devin after a dress shopping for laurens wedding in oct!!!!!!! maybe shoes also but we shall see and hopefully ashley and her crew will be up there. im tryin to get mitch to come out but hes notttttttttttttttttt.
i knit alot alot ALOT latly and i have fifty million tthings of yarn as well from jasons great grandmother who passed away =( her gold digging grand children sold all of her stuff at a yard sale and her great grand children bought alot of it and gave me half of the yarn and joc the other half cause they know we will put it to good use. i have three projects started and half way done all of them.
close and crafts are my big thing out here i think im done wth shows i mean i dont have time for anything really i can barely come online.. i work my awesome job and spend the rest of the time with the husband...
so everyone take note if you need or want to talk to me you gotta call my NEW cell number 440-749-2484 after 9 or i wont answer and if you call and i dont answer cause im in the shower whateva.. leave me a amazing message cause i dont have everyones numbers on this phone yet im not sure who calls sometimes.
(3 gasp for air | your dying)
its thunderstorming bad.
kittys scared so im loving him and playing harry potter leggo game online.
i miss home and jason and i figured out we might not be moving back to pa but to a completetly differnt area all together. close to the water and YES we will own a boat that i will drive and love like my own son or daughter.
no that does not mean im pregnant idiots.
we have amazing names picked out. 5 infact.
i think devins gonna come over today and my cat loves LOVES pugs!!!!!!
we will hopefully knit a ton since my sister in law jocelyn and devin and i are knitting eachother things well random tihngs or making them. i want to get the littleuns started knitting so they can join to.
i havnt talked to anyone from home in a while seemings how im never online EVER cause well.. i cant be. i see why people i lose contact with barely are online too, well ones who started their lives with someone or without.
ive begun to love writing letters cause i can watch wrestling and do that at the same time atleast.
i got hired FULL at my job instead of just a temp working 40-60 hours.
im awesome and keep getting paid more and more money as i go along im at 10 a hour now plus overtime 15 overtime and trust me i work over 11 hours on sundays every 3 weeks for conversions for overtime. plus this benefits and overtime and free food daily is completetly amazing. i never new office jobs were so great.
adult by day child by night i still love acting dumb and fun. im going to take up a dance class and i still do taebo and pilates now. plus im gonna find ak nitting circle to keep myself occupied during nights when the husband is at school or working late.
laurens weddings coming up and im so fucking excited. brides maid o rama much? red dress with my new hair ;) it will be grrrrrreat. plus pictures developed todayu
CANDICE sorry they wernyt developed till now we never had extra money but today hopefullyyoull have some sent to you this week xoxoxoxooxo
i miss everyone and hope to see everyone soon well for the most part everyone =)
spare rooms and extra bread stop on in!
(3 gasp for air | your dying)
today=journey home to phillllllllly and visiting ma and pa
devins coming with me too YAYY!!!!!!!! itll be a fun car ride!
saturday=the shore! if anyone wants to meet down there ill be at my usual place get my new cell number 440 749 2484
if i dont pick up its cause i scan my calls or i dont hear my phone. this is my last time home for a while i got a busy job and alot to do out here im pcking up a few things i didnt get and seeing some amazing friends as well.
so give me a call!!!
so far its me devin corrinne lindsey hopefully when she gets off work lisa and karyn ummmmmmm lauryne if she can get off work rich and sarah if they can get down there, christine and jess if they get their buns down there and hopefully more! welp ill be there prolly all day and night.
sunday is the journey back home which isnt too bad cause well i took off work today to get a new SS card and drive home and ill get my paycheck monday and jason get s his tuesday so we are goooood.
i gotta go call devin now though so we can meet up
and candice im bringing your present from the islands back incase you ever stop by my moms house to talk to her and want to get it and so it doesnt get lost or broken.
(3 gasp for air | your dying)
CANDICE: you showed me that being peurtorican is fucking amazing if i ever had my doubts and to be proud and scream it out loud. you taught me how to have fun and LOVE road trips cause they can involve anything.
LAURYNE: making silly noises is ALWAYS Necessary! smoking helps ... im seriouse it does. dont take things OVERLY seriouse or youll miss the fun. and big paul is scary!
LAUREN: people CAN always change for the better and becuase of one shitty happening doesnt mean its the end or they are a bad person.
LINDSEY ANDERSON: you are the silliest cutest ever and saying goofy things and dressing fun and smiling is always ok! i never smiled as much till after we hungout for the first time! plus you taught me its ok to be friends with everyone!
LISA EVANS: oh my godddd. you taught me to be a bitch! (not in a bad way) in an amazing way that i wont let anyone walk all over me and if i dont like somethingyour gonna hear it and its gonna be harsh!(i needed that)
KARYN MILLER: you taught me to be concerned and to be basically a mother. im excited to have kids because after my teachings from you i feel confident!
CORRINNE: you taught me HIPPIES ARE PEOPLE TOO!!! and that no matter how different two people are they can be the same at heart. Always give someone a chance and something and be happy! lifes too short to make a mole hill into a mountain. smile and forget about it! or talk with a friend to let loose and leave it outa your mind! outa mind outa site. and your mothering ways also being concerned and everything.
CORRINNE ROOMATE: having fun is the key! be good at what you do but make sure you have good music and good shoes to go with it and your great!
JENNY RICHARDS: using amazing words is ALWAYS ok and as long as you look good you can feel good! the hair the makeup the outfits the shoes!
JOCELYN: screaming is ALWAYS ok! laugh loud scream smile have fun be goofy dont forget who you are or what you know and dont ever change who you are for anyone cuase then its not worth it.
KORI: two people who hate eachother CAN be friends after a while and have the best swim trips ever! we all have more in common than we think!
HEIDI: Having random parties for amazing TV shows is definatly DEFINATLY ok!!!!!! Getting your whole body tattoed is great and you can still be beautiful no matter what other people will say. Plus your shoes better be awesome or dont talk to me.
MEG: Everything important this girl taught me. She basically taught me how to keep my head on straight and be good!
KATRINA AND LENA: DONT EVER GIVE UP AND ALWAYS GET TO THE BOTTOM OF THINGS. also they taught me NEVER BE SATISFIED by what they tell you... make up your own mind about things and have your own opinions and stick the fuck to them!
KIM: SLUTS WILL NOT PREVAIL. if you have a good friend to back you up you can stop all of them EASILY even the ones who try to hide it. WE KNOW WHO YOU ARE.
TIFFANY: womans wrestling will be amazing one day!!!!
ERIKA 570: she taught me alot more than i can explain. alot having to do with dont let people fuck you over.. dont deal with shitty people and dont turn into one yourself. friends are important in your life and you can always tell the good from the fake. plus woman are just as strong if not stronger than men are.
Nicole: arts and crafts ARE AMAZING. and if you suck at something at first keep at it cause youll get the hang of it quickly and people will love your work and want it for themselves!
ALL OF THE HOT TOPIC GIRLS: GIRLS FUCKING KICK ASS... WE KICK OTHER GIRLS ASSES WHO GIVES US SHIT AND WE LOOK GORGEOUS DOING IT!!! Plus hugs are ok no matter what the paper says!
anyone else i forgot this is short and yes it is only girls for one reason that there are tons of guys who have tuaght me things but for the most part its you can always kill or hurt someone you dont like orsome girls can mosh harder than most boys. it would take too long and there are alot of people in general and some who even tuaght me alot more than what i wrote its just something simply in my head right now and hopefully be updated later or on pen and paper.
cherish your friends and what they can bring you or have in the past cause if you just let shit that important pass you by youll never realize what you truly have in your head. its the reality of everything.
the only thing ive learne out here by anyone(besides jason) is patients. for me and him. i really do feel bad for him and his friends.. they underappreciate him and he knows it but wont say anything.. i guess thats why i was born with a mouth to speak for those who wont say. its ok.. ive got friends at home who care just as much about him as they do me.
xoxoxoxo thank you to everyone i love and adore
(3 gasp for air | your dying)
quick update for real...
-people saying they'll be there and having $50 dished out so they could eat BUT they never showed... probably 20 people all couples.
-not being able to breath
-worrying about getting a job when i get home...
-my hairs too short :(
FUCKING AMAZING THINGS!!!!!!!!!!!
-Gina Rose Carlson
-marrying jason carlson!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
-jennie vs corinne flower toss!!!
-carl and jackie dancing
-the decorations thanks to my aunt and candice!!!
-EVERYONE else who helped
-seeing the most important people EVER
-dancing around like a fool
-vitos at my wedding!?
-the nervous laugh
-hanging out with my aunts after the wedding
-getting to St Thomas
-The flea market
-the rum parties
-EVERYONE in st thomas(all of the couples we met!!)
-our new buddies from chambersburg/maine
-ROOM FUCKING SERVICE!
-MY NEW JOB I STARTED MONDAY!!!
-OUR NEW APT!
-all of the fun toys we got
-finding out i work 40s hours a week
-seeing everyone i seriously cared about and care about all in one place at once(with the exception of like two people)
-shop shop till you drop
-new ohio friends
-dance dance revolution with jackie today!!
Seriously my wedding was fucking great casue i married the man of my dreams and everyone being there to support me made me the happiest person ever. i didnt think or realize that many people did care including old friends and new and old family members and friends family members and seeing everyones face was the best picture i could have seen next to jasons smiling face. i love all of you guys and thank everyone for coming out because it does mean more than you all think and that i can ever express. this was a super short version of everything that did happen and ill probably say more little by little but im exhausted!!! moving into a new apt and starting work all right away its happening so fast soon ill have a little thing in my tummy but for now ill work myass off till its smaller!!!! everyone come visit me or write me letters out here! i love and miss you all!
(17 gasp for air | your dying)
what todays thursday and its time for the big ride home
then what... thursday friday saturday were married! sunday we leave for st thomas! and friday we return to cleveland from the air pizzle. fucking shit.
i hope to see everyone this weekend if not we will arrange something i gaurantee. my cell will be on but wont necessarily be answered i got ALOT of shit to do and i have no idea how im getting it all in!!!!!!!
so leave me an email and hopefully ill check them soon enough!
wow this is totally real
and so is my belly ache
(1 gasp for air | your dying)
check list roll ca ca ca ca ca ca callll!
pack everything in boxes to move CHECK
be fucking awesome CHECK
still have no friends in ohio CHECK
arts and crafts shit? CHECK
talk to corinne every freakin day about the wedding CHECK
hate it here CHECK
one more day till we go to philly CHECK
four more days till jason and i are married CHECK
miss my favorite people ever at home CHECK
not let shit bother me anymore cause im done CHECK
see fireworks CHECK
go swim in the civic center CHECK
keep looking for jobs CHECK
honeymoon shit ready CHECK
be sassyy CHECK
dye the hair and DONT CUT IT YET......CHECK
fuck im done. i need to work on my language it makes me feel 15 years fucking old. SEE.
i cant wait to see all of you guys back home. i need to familular faces that i love and adore!
last night jason took me to my FIRST indians game and they FUCKING LOST ASS HOLES. 5 - 8 indians vs texas rangers. BUT the older couple behind us was hilarious AND the A.A. guy and his son next to us were great two. heckling and scraeming at bad calls... hell i cant wait for a browns game hah. i got my first peice of indians merch too. am i traiting on philly? SIKE. indians vs philly im getting beat up for being the only person there sportin a phillies jersey(if they ever play eachother again since there in two different leagues) and eagles<3 ill go home and have an eagles party with candice.. 76ers... i dont know if i have my hopes up for them or have had them up the past couple of years AND the flyers get the fuck outa here they will kill you! i miss philly i love philly ohio IS really a worthless state but i guess ill get used to being worthless along with it and its inhabitants ...only ill be worthless in style and better cause im from philly. hahaha. im done i cant wait to go home! ONE MORE FUCKING DAY!!!!!!!!!
(16 gasp for air | your dying)
.kitty=tyson paws(mean boxer kitty with a wimpy voice)
.i love makeover storys and when i get home from st thomas... my hair will change
.i still hate ohio
.im still VERY ill(now im just ill and having to pack =(
(4 gasp for air | your dying)
i need an amazing song to walk down the isle to!
AND NO IM NOT MOSHING DOWN THE ISLE....
i know someone was gonna say that.
ps ill be home in a few days...
*nicole* when is the fair thingy youll be at! and shhh dont tell me when my shower thingy is!
i wanna go swimming friday or saturday if the mans poison ivy goes away any remedies?
hopefully ill see alot of my friends when i come home and we can make a beach trip or just a lunch or movie trip.
we looked at rings
and we get them back next tuesday all fitted.. engagment rings and wedding bands! YAY!
to whom it may concern
go away get a life and then start being concerned with it and not mine. nobody likes a cry baby so STOP.
(11 gasp for air | your dying)
KATE FUCKING RULES CAUSE SHE MADE ME THE MOST AMAZING ICON EVER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
i love you kate so much! =) thank you!
(11 gasp for air | your dying)
about my wedding
if you are coming please do not invite anyone else
its overbooked and everyone keeps bringing extra people and we cant do that we will have to ask the person not on the list to leave without being rude.
if on your invitation it says joe shmoe then you write on the rsvp "1.. joe schmoe"
if it says joe schmoe AND GUEST you put 2 and your name and your guest name
but only how it is addressed to you on the envelope.
if there are any other complications feel free to call me
im not doing that to be a jerk
theres just specific people i invited and couldnt others for number sake. its in a hall that can only hold 200 and with everyone bringng a friend itll end up being 400.
its a wedding not a frat party cmon =)
PLEASE NOTE no alcohol that again if you are drinking before or during the ceremony or reception you will also be asked to leave BY ME no one else
a couple of hours of no drinking isnt a big deal. please dont make me be macho bride.
any questions call the cell!
(6 gasp for air | your dying)
ok everyone who knows you can come
send in your r s v p asap
so we can make seating arrangements otherwise we dunno if your gonna be there and will leave you out =( so fill out that little card with the name or names on the invitation.
and for those who have asked.. jason and i are registered at strawbridges and bed bath and beyond. =)
thank you and have a nice day
(7 gasp for air | your dying)
for those who think planning a wedding is a joke and or easy....
you are SADLY mistaken.
its a fucking pain in the ass and seriously fucking sucks.. YES itll all be worth it in the end but at the time working yo ur ass off to do everything else in the world PLUS plan a wedding.. it hurts. especially with only me and madukes doing it at first.
can i tell you all what i was juggling at the time
my portfolio.... has to be fucking perfect and amazing(plus i have to be at school to do it)
my class PROJECTS still..(sorry kids this aint no tapdance shit i can do at home i have to be at school for the lighting and all that bullshit)
my brother trying to kill himself... real fucking fun aint it?
my deathly disease + allergies... yea being able to keep your head up and see what your doing really HELPS a fucking lot.. oh plus having to BUY fucking medicine wth the money I DONT HAVE cause i want to eat that week
work... (haha hot topic isnt work... NO it is... when your sick and have to go into anywhere its work. its not as easy as you kids think its a job like any other and having to deal with annoying kids when you want to die... NOT FUN.
money... big issue... huge issue...
packing..... enough said.. anyone who knows me knows thats a big deal for me cause im a fucking pack rat PLUS what to pack and what not to cause i need it for school..
planning my trip and saving money for ohio.... yes moving its hard enough on its own..
trying to see people i care about before i leave... and spend time with them... didnt work out as well as i had wanted it to.. sitting at home by myself cause someone dicked me over or had better things to do... but no one had better things to do when it came to complaining about me leaving.. thanks guys :D
moving.. oh yes not to ohio but out of my apartment.. parents are gone that means minus two people to help and a big car BUT that worked out fine besides three girls aching... corinne and tiffany<3 i owe you my life it was painful but we are strong and rocked that couch
last but not least wedding shit.... having to get a dress and worrying aobut when i can do this and that since im leaving and still trying to work around my friends schedules of when we can and canot hangout. dress fitting list making (serious list making) registrys and cake designs food figures places judges marrige lisences hair nails makeup dates for tux fittings when he can drive 7 hours to get out here.. music flowers familys dresses maid of honors and best man shit! photography<3(thank you dawn and jocelyn) videography.. honeymoon shit.. clothes money air fare resorts and everything else that i cant think of now and dont want to think of...
its not a run in the park guys.. and with friends i cared alot about who decided they dont like me anymore or dont wanna talk to me anymore because im getting married and moving... it hurts. with people complaining to me baout this or that wanting to bring someone not being this promising me that.. sorry my moral isnt up where it should be .. i dont see why people cant miss me or be happy for me anymore... even in another state everyone tries to make me feel like shit. sorry to say i wont anymore.
i love everyone to death but i wont sit here and be put down or made feel like shit because they dont like my desision. so far a good 5 or 6 people dont talk to me anymore because of it and i dont talk to some people now too because of my own desision that we havnt in so long why start now when im having good times as opposed to when i had horrible times and needed them.
it goes for some not all because some are just mistakes... but honestly... yous need to realize
not everything is so easy for me right now.. so PLEASE stop giving me a hard time about little things.
i miss everyone to death and love you all.
and will be home in a few weeks if anyones around or wants to go to the shore with jason and i..
sorry for any inconvenience...
i just sometimes dont think its fair... but cant let it bring me down anymore.. so those used to making me cry and me running back apologizing(which are i think people who dont even read this) i wont do it anymore. if you dont like me and stopped talking to me ... SEEEEYAAAAAAa. i aint got time for this shit.
on a brighter note..
punk rock flea market.
(10 gasp for air | your dying)
so k rock and i went shopping.
-swim shorts for the boy
-new undies for both of us
-sleeveless shirts that say"tough girls" and have wings on it?! HAHAHAHA it was too good to pass up for 5 bucks.
-atom and his package cd/dvd oh how i miss him...
i thikn thats it.. total fun and something i needed and i had to get outa the house...
checkedo ut the H.T cause kellys tryin to get a job and i wanted to see if they had a cd.. talked to the kids who worked there who seemed very nice names kristen and... OK IM BAD WITH NAMES but she had really cute redblonde hair.. but they told me and kelly to go to this punkrock flea market a good 5 minutes from the APT when we both are gonna be on our butts and the boys at work so of course we will go!
thats this saturday so it should be fun and maybe get some awesome new stuff and meet some new kids.
later when jason got off work i picked him up.. we got
-cable lines for the bedroom tv
-vegan desert book!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
then we went to aunt janets
-played with the cats!
-went out to eat at some deli AND IT HAD FRIED VEGETABLES!!!!!! fried zuccini and broccoli and colliflower(sp?) sooooooooooo good!!!!!
-jacky showed me how to play this game online(that they all play) and we made like 4 characters
-fantasia won on american idol and cried alot! <3 yay!
i might have a job! Aunt Janet is tryin to talk to her boss cause they need people to basically type stuff into one computer and put it into the next..
10-12an hour.. 8-5 days.. and i guess monday to friday cause she said no weekends.. and theymight be able to accomidate me with my wedding and shit id need off... o m g!
guys thats fucking exciting cause first off ALOT of bling that i need... second a time occupyer and lets me be able to take off what i need and spend time with jason and its close to cleveland AND mentor when we move.
whatever ill behome soon...
(13 gasp for air | your dying)